The 4th of our Top 5 Mistakes men make when it comes to threesomes is:
4. Showing instant exhilaration and far more enthusiasm than ever before
Whether it’s when you first get a favourable response from your woman about threesomes, or during/after the actual threesome, this is an easy mistake.
It’s understandable – you’ve been looking forward to having sex with two women since two minutes into puberty, and now it’s actually happening! Or perhaps you weren’t sure it was going to happen, then holy shit it did, and after the other woman leaves you run back into the room to start raving about how hot it was and you don’t shut up about it for days.
Enthusiasm is fine and great, just make sure it doesn’t make your relationship with your woman seem like choking down oatmeal in comparison.
I’m not suggesting at all that you don’t be thrilled, or that you muzzle your great feelings, because after all the point of a threesome is to have good feelings. Just be aware that you could make your woman feel bad if she never gets any enthusiasm from you, and then you lose yourself in ecstasy as soon as another woman is in the picture.
Here’s what I do suggest: Voice your appreciation and good feelings as being directed at your woman. Praise how she makes you feel, how sexy she is, how bad she is, how good she is, how naughty she is, how beautiful, witty, funny, cute, generous, talented and vivacious she is.
Obviously make it personal to her, and if she isn’t some of those things, compliment her on them anyway and she’ll likely develop them. Author David Deida has suggested that men grow by challenge and women by praise, and I think there’s truth in that.
You want to be enthusiastic about the threesome to the extent that she will keep feeling great about it, and to let her know you enjoyed it. You may compliment the other woman on occasion, but make sure you follow immediately with how your woman is special and is clear above all others for you. 10 to 1 is a safe ratio for appreciation towards your partner vs the other – and I’m only being slightly facetious.
Whatever comes to mind that’s positive, voice it. Even if she knows you know, say it anyway – who doesn’t like to receive praise and appreciation? Be genuine, otherwise it’ll sound like you’re up to something - her radar will be on Red Alert when threesomes are on the menu. As much as she’s hoping you won’t fuck up, she knows you probably will – you’re a man and not a woman, so successful navigation is tricky.
That’s why I’m writing a book, and giving some tips here. You can have the best of intentions, but the fact is you need some skills in order for you and your woman to reap the benefits of threesomes with another woman.
I’d love to hear from you here or at info@createthreesomes.com
enjoy3somes asked: Good advice. I have taken the appropriate notes. :)
Are you two as knowledgable about MFM threesomes?
Believe it or not, we have trouble getting a third guy involved, even though we love threesome sex. We have had several threesomes, and they have usually been with male friends of mine. For whatever reason, they have faded away and we have lost our "third." We haven't had a new lover in years, and we both want one!
I am not really attracted to men. I just love to please my wife, and love the wanton nature of threesomes. She is the type that wants sex very badly, but is cautious about men and often sends "do not approach" signals, even when she finds a guy hot.
What I really need her to do is make it clear to me when she finds a guy hot, so that I can learn her type and eventually arrange a meeting.
I’m glad you’ve found the advice helpful and hope the notes will be put to good use :)
My expertise and experience does not include MFM threesomes, though I can definitely suggest a few things.
Your approach is great in that you love to please your wife, and you’re open to the great things of the experience. You’re already aware that you need to know her preferences in men, and honestly that should have been handled a long time ago. What’s great about discovering it now is that you will learn new things about her and be in a better position to provide her with what you both want.
Rather than feeling that what you “really need her to do is to make it clear”, I’d take a different approach - one that will bring you two closer together while getting the result you’re after.
It’s not up to her to divulge, but rather it’s up to you to ask, and to ask in a way that is fun for her. What I’d suggest is that you go out together and create a fun date. Then frame your upcoming questions as wanting to know her better and be closer to her, because she’ll feel good about your interest in her. Then start asking her what she thinks of particular people, and why. No right or wrong answers, just fun opinions and an opportunity for her to communicate with you. Do it while being close to her so she feels safe to say whatever she wants, and don’t pressure her if she’s hesitant to be specific.
To help her along you could point out something about someone and say “It seems to me women are attracted to that sort of thing - am I right?” Women usually love to give their opinion, so that may help.
This could be a golden opportunity to start asking her opinion about women as well, if FFM interests you…
As for the past partners drifting away, that is actually very common. The sexual thrill of threesomes depends a lot upon novelty, so once you’ve been with a particular third, a part of the allure will be gone. Repeat experiences with the same partner can also represent a developing relationship of some sort, which is why either the couple or the third may not seek out a reprise. This is one of the reasons inviting a friend can be a delicate situation (we cover this in detail in our book - write us at info@createthreesomes.com)
As far as meeting prospective partners, you can use what you learn and find partners on the internet; when approached with due diligence there are usually many prospects.
Keep up your search, and let me know what you’ve found useful. All the best to you and your wife!
The third of our Top 5 Mistakes men make when it comes to threesomes is:
3. Not reassuring his woman enough (about a lot of things)
If you were to be going out with your woman looking for other men to join you in a threesome, you’d want to be pretty damn solid in your belief that you are secure with your woman and attractive to her.
Yet even then you can’t really compare the reassurance necessary in that scenario to an FFM situation with your woman, because women are generally known for being emotionally bonded to their mates regardless of looks or status, whereas men are known for being stimulated by other women’s figures and youth regardless of how in love they may be with their woman.
Women don’t trust men’s perpetual readiness to fuck, because it could mean they’ll lose the interest of their man and be cheated on. Men usually do little to reassure their woman of their devotion, while doing plenty to let them know they are being run by their testosterone. Therefore when most men say “Hey! How about a threesome!” they are met with “Hey! You’re an ass who just wants my permission to cheat!” and it’s all downhill from there.
There’s a better way.
Regardless of any fantasies you have, reassuring your woman that she is loved by you and attractive to you will always be important. Every human being desires to be unconditionally loved above all else, and as the man in the relationship you are the one who can most provide that for your woman.
You need to let her know that you can’t help but stand by her and protect her no matter what. Protection may be more of a chivalrous concept today than physical necessity because of a relatively safe society, but there are times when it will be needed, and she needs to know she can count on you.
She needs to know she will not be left alone, and she cannot feel she is risking ending up alone by being open to a threesome where another woman will be naked in the room with you. What if you’re more attracted to the other woman? What if you decide to start seeing her on the side? If you are ever to have threesomes, the “What if’s” must be lovingly laid to rest through reassurance.
If you aren’t feeling particularly chivalrous, realize that emotions don’t just happen. We do emotions – though we usually just wait for certain criteria to be met in the external world before we give ourselves certain feelings. Someone cuts us off on the road and we get pissed, or someone shows kindness on the street and we feel gratitude.
That’s fine, except that it’s reactionary.
Don’t be reactionary in your relationship – step up and create good feelings, and give them to your woman. Don’t wait for things to happen, and don’t expect her to make you feel a certain way. You’re the man, so you have to lead. Give her reassurance and love, and then when threesomes are eventually up for discussion continue with the reassurance and love.
Our book discusses what reassurances are essential during the preparation and experience of a threesome, and as well as after the threesome has happened. Write us here or at info@createthreesomes.com for more info.
The second of the Top 5 mistakes men make when it comes to threesomes is:
2. Thinking it’s a ticket to salivate over other women
This one’s a big threesome killer. You do the proper steps leading to you mentioning the idea of a threesome, and your woman says she’s excited to do it. In a wave of enthusiasm you start pointing out potential candidates as you walk down the street, saying “Hey, she’s hot, she would be awesome for a threesome… Ooh I like her too…”
A few minutes later you notice the enthusiasm from your woman is no longer there, and instead she’s stiff, avoiding eye contact with you, and is angry. You wonder what went wrong - after all, she said she wanted a threesome! Since an FFM threesome is about having another woman you’re going to have to be able to choose one you’re attracted to, right? Hell, if she’s going to be cool with another woman being naked with you, she had better be comfortable with you pointing out the ones you think are hot, right?
No, actually. If it were a game show you’d get a big loud obnoxious buzzer, but since it’s your life and relationship you instead have lot of explaining and damage control to do after hurting the woman you love.
The better road is to be aware and informed up front, so you don’t inadvertently cause any harm in the first place.
When it comes to navigating a woman’s psyche men can step on so many landmines that they’ll usually try to rationalize that the woman is just too sensitive, or just give up and close in frustration at his woman not being willing to give him what he wants. Or was I alone when I used to act that way?
You have to be honest, yes, AND you have to be sensitive to how the opposite sex needs to hear what you want.
Her saying she’s open to a threesome is not her saying it’s ok to desire other women and tell her all about it. We explain in our book that one of the reasons it’s not ok is that she’s losing your attention when you look at other women, and she wants your attention all the time. Why? Because attention translates to love, care, and significance, and those are non-negotiables in a relationship. If other women are taking your attention, she’ll not only feel the loss, but will start wondering how she compares, and if down the line she could possibly lose you.
Even the most oblivious man could see that that mindset is not conducive to a hot romp in the sack.
Furthermore, when you’re checking out other women, you are excluding her in the process. By the way, saying “I think she’s hot” does NOT mean you’re including her because you’re telling her, but nice try.
Instead, ask your woman what her opinion is about certain women, and do it in the context of wanting to learn what she does or doesn’t like. If you’re pointing out women because you want to know your partner better, it’s a completely different mindset. Then when she says she likes someone, you can tell her you want what makes her happy, and she’ll love you for it.
If your woman feels she is involved in the process and will get what she wants, she’ll be happy wanting to make you happy. If you have had several successful threesomes with your woman and everything is more settled and comfortable, you can say more direct things like “I want her” and your woman will not only be ok with it, but she will get wet at the thought. Until the necessary comfort, trust, and bond is established, don’t go there.
To learn more write us here or at info@createthreesomes.comWhen it comes to threesomes, there are A LOT of mistakes that men can make.
The mistakes can be made before threesomes are even mentioned, while they occur, and even after the fantasy has happened.
Over the next several posts we’ll give you our top 5 general ways men go wrong, aside from the BIG mistake of failing to prepare by doing the necessary groundwork before approaching the topic or going through with the fantasy. We go over that groundwork thoroughly in our book, which will be released as soon as it’s finished (info@createthreesomes.com).
The first of the Top 5 mistakes men make is:
1. Making it all about them
Unfortunately human nature can get very selfish when big benefits are to be had. Throw a lot of money in the street and people will probably kick each other to get it, even though they were doing just fine up until they saw the money.
Likewise when threesomes are mentioned, men’s greed kicks in, the eyes glaze over, and instead of dollar signs their eyes shine with the image of two naked women. Most men are thinking they’d hit the jackpot when they think of a threesome, and they can only think about getting.
It’s precisely this attitude that keeps them from ever having one, unless it was in college with chicks who were too drunk to even notice a male was present. Men with getting attitudes will hire two women for trio sex, because those women will accept payment in return for what the man is taking.
Your wife or girlfriend will not however, and you will not feel fulfilled by the experience if there is not an equal flow of energy.
You’ve got to realize that you’ll have not just one woman to provide for, but a second, and they will have a threesome only when they believe there’s enough in it for them.
The second woman only needs to feel she’ll benefit sexually while avoiding any negative social or health related consequences. Your woman however needs more: she needs to believe that she’ll benefit sexually and emotionally while avoiding all possible negative consequences. This can be no small task, but we can teach you how, step by step.
You’ll start off on the right foot by not making the experience about you, but rather about your partner. Get associated to what you can give, and your intentions will start to bear fruit.
It’s automatic that you can get a lot from the experience of a threesome without even being physically involved; simply watching your woman with another is an amazing experience. So don’t worry about getting; there’s plenty enough pleasure for all. Become the man who provides, and your cup (and bed) will be full.
This attitude is also essential when picking up the extra woman for your night of sin. When you approach as the provider rather than someone who is looking to get or take, the result will be dramatically different. Women will respond with interest, because your objective will be apparent to her through your presence, words, and offer.
Learn more by writing us here or at info@createthreesomes.com
Anonymous asked: Is it better to ask a friend for a threesome with your partner well in advance or spontaneously on the spot?
There are a lot of variables in this question, and both scenarios are possible - it depends on your friend, and also the atmosphere when the question is asked.
If the three of you are out having a good time, there’s hot dancing going on, maybe liquor involved, and a rush of good feelings, your woman could ask the friend on the spot and it would be fairly natural given the great mood of everyone involved. (To be clear, by liquor involved I obviously mean having fun feeling happy, not drunk off her ass and unable to legally consent.) In this scenario the threesome would likely happen that same night while everyone wants to continue the good time.
If your friend is someone who talks about sex openly, the question could be asked casually in a non party situation, and then the threesome could happen on another occasion. It’s better that the man not be present and that it comes up during girl talk, after the subject has already moved to sex.
Notice it’s context in either scenario that is important, whether it be a great time being had, or the topic already being sex. You have to lead to the question naturally if you want a favorable response.
In addition to the right context, whether you ask ahead of time or on the spot depends on whether you think having time between the question and the act would be in your favor or not. It may be a good idea to ride the momentum of a given night, as once the moment passes the energy will dissipate and the curiosity could be gone. Contrary to that, it may be a good idea to have the seed planted as a possibility or thought ahead of time, and then have the desire build over subsequent meetings where you all have a great time together. Your woman should be able to judge which approach is better with her friend.
In all scenarios it’s the woman asking her friend, because being that it’s a friend it’s more sensitive, and trust and confidence has to be clear among the women. If you the man ask, there are too many unanswered questions in the women’s minds about your intentions, reasons for asking, etc.. When the man isn’t present, the friend can be more honest if she isn’t interested, and both women could be sure that the friendship will be preserved.
The key in all scenarios is that when the question is asked it not be awkward. Unless your friend is already wanting to get with the two you, she knows that if there’s awkwardness in the question it will likely be multiplied 100 fold in the act, and she’ll fear that.
Most of these insights come from my fiancée; I asked her what she thought and she talked for over ten minutes about it, with tips and subtleties not included here. I recorded it, and if you’d like to hear the audio, email us at info@createthreesomes.com
Anonymous asked: hi there my girlfriend + me r wanting to have a threesome with another woman but we dont realy know any1 to ask.... our friends that would go for it r all in relationships now. any tips on where 2 look? thanks
Hey man, great question. Your two main options are either picking up a woman in public (bar, club, coffee shop) or meeting her online. Both can be a lot of fun, though “live” pickup can take more balls compared to online, where you get to know someone a bit through the screen before arranging a meet. Most dating sites have an “intimate” section (Lavalife, Plenty of Fish etc.), and there are specialized sites such as Adult Friend Finder that are specifically for x-rated meetings. With some sites you’ll have to pay a bit to be able to message people, but it can be very worth it.
We go into detail and give tips on how to pick up in both scenarios in our ebook, as well as how to transition the meet into trio sex, how to make sure the threesome itself is successful, and the crucial last step of threesomes. The book will be released soon - keep checking back, or email us at info@createthreesomes.com to be notified. If you have other questions don’t hesitate to ask. Play safe and rock your woman’s world!
The fifth of our top 5 Reasons your woman could object to threesomes is:
5. She won’t be enough anymore
Once started, there’s no going back! There is always a fear that these new sexual adventures will become addictive and will turn conventional sex into a thing of the past because of its lack of excitement. Your woman doesn’t want to feel that you will always need two women in order to become extremely sexually aroused. That will of course make her feel obsolete, inadequate as your partner, and not enough to drive you crazy with lust.
As with all challenges regarding your woman and threesomes, you’ve got a golden opportunity here to really connect with her, and to make some distinctions for her that will open the door to plenty of sexual exploration.
The fact is that it is your connection to her which makes great sex possible.
Most guys idealize one night stands and sleeping with as many different women as possible, but in reality the sex often sucks. The thrill and ego stroke of having a new chick to fuck may be there, but the sex itself is usually no better than rubbing genitals somewhat awkwardly until you have an orgasm (which is also often sooner rather than later). With someone you don’t know there are thoughts in each person’s head about performance, how you look, if you compare ok to others, etc. There is often an element of putting on a show which for sure is fun in the beginning, but it quickly wears off.
You hear it time and time again from men who have a ton of sex with a ton of women: it’s empty, and they just wish they could really connect with a woman they could love. Most rock stars and movie stars spend a few years having sex with anyone they please, but almost all eventually marry. If you’ve gotten to know any Pick-Up gurus who have been around a while, you’ll see they’ve usually ended up settling down with one woman. I’ve got single friends who have more sex with more women than you’d think a guy could ever want, but they’re unhappy, because they feel alone.
Men don’t settle down because they’re settling, it’s because their happiness requires it.
So, first you must let your woman know that you aren’t settling for anything with her, but rather that you choose her because you love her.
The second thing to let her know that you know is that you can only have truly great sex with her, because of your connection to her. You cannot really let go with a stranger, use dirty talk, or experience any advanced sexual connections. In a couple you can really get to know each other and learn how to satisfy each other. A woman can really only let out her inner slut (which she craves) with a man she feels connected to, feels safe with, and trusts. That wild sex you crave can only happen when a connection is there. Yes a fling can be crazy, but you’ll be left empty.
If the sex is boring in your relationship, it’s because you’ve let familiarity kill the polarity of masculine and feminine. In our book about creating threesomes we show you how to create a sex life that will make threesomes a natural extension of the amazing sexual energy already present. Write us at info@createthreesomes.com to learn how to get the book.
After telling her and showing her that you’ve chosen her, that you love her, and that you could never have sex with anyone else like you do with her because you love her, then she will be more able to believe you when you say that threesomes are about the two of you experiencing an exciting encounter together. The sex will not meaningful like is between just the two of you, but it is another type of experience with its own thrills.
If you properly communicate this to your woman in a non-adversarial way, she will feel that she has something with you no woman can compete with, and she will relax in the threesome knowing that you can have fun without her becoming not enough anymore.
Write us here or at info@createthreesomes.com to get informed on the release of the best resource in the world on how to create threesomes.
The fourth of our Top 5 reasons why your woman could object to threesomes regardless of whether she’s new to the idea or bisexual is:
4. Being compared to the other women
“Is she better than me?”
That is the question your woman will be asking herself, over and over again. If the answer isn’t an immediate “no” it could be for many reasons. First among them is the body issue we discussed in the previous post, since bodies are the main source of competition among women. Besides that, she might not be too confident about her skills in the bedroom when compared to another woman, and even if she is, she could be worried that another woman’s pussy feels better than hers.
It will make her uncomfortable to be constantly thinking that the other woman is sexier, naughtier, has better techniques, or reaches orgasm faster (this is a sensitive spot especially if your woman has a hard time cumming or (gasp) has never had an orgasm).
On top of it all, new is exciting. You can guess that your woman doesn’t want to feel old, let alone be rendered old and boring merely by the presence of new.
If you feel the list is long, it’s worse than you think.
Basically anything you’ve ever commented on is probably on that comparison list. Any passing remark about an ex, or a woman on the street, was not only noticed by your woman when you said it, but keeps coming up in her mind whenever a similar topic arises.
Why? Because if you mentioned it, it therefore had your attention, and your woman wants your attention all the time. She wants to avoid losing your attention, so she will be wondering how she measures up.
Your woman can avoid facing many of these scary issues by simply refusing to have a threesome when you bring it up, and you really can’t expect otherwise - that is unless you can help her feel not only comfortable but exquisitely unique in your every day relationship.
Providing reassurance outside of the context of threesomes is the first step, and then you must continue to provide that reassurance once threesomes are being discussed and created (info@createthreesomes.com). I know you as a man may not need reassurance every step of the way, but you’re not dealing with another man here. Your woman will always appreciate reassurance and praise. Because your woman is largely entrusting her happiness to you by being in a relationship with you, it’s important to her that she be important to you. That’s a mouthful to say step up and make her feel special.
One of the tips from our book that I want to share with you here is that when you do have a threesome, do not make your excitement too contrasting to your usual expressions of appreciation. For example don’t be jumping up and down after a threesome when you usually just roll over and start snoring when it’s just the two of you. Of course I don’t mean tone down your natural happiness after a threesome, I mean ramp up how vocal you are about appreciating your woman on a daily basis.
If your woman doesn’t normally get much enthusiasm from you, your very positive response could actually make her feel bad, even if she had a great time in the threesome as well.
Imagine you and your partner have your routine dinners. Then one day you have the neighbours over for dinner, and everyone has a great time. Then afterwards your woman goes on and on about how interesting, funny, handsome, and stimulating the husband was. Chances are you wouldn’t feel too awesome about it, even if nothing was wrong before.
In closing let me say that in addition to how appreciated your woman currently feels in your relationship, how you set up approaching the topic of a threesome will determine whether your woman will feel she could be compared, and if she is compared that she’s sure she’ll come out on top in your eyes.
Write us here or at info@createthreesomes.com to for more details on setting up a threesome properly.
The third of our Top 5 reasons your woman could object to a threesome is:
3. Body insecurities
Women know full well that men are primarily attracted to the physical appearance of a woman: the hotter the body, the more it will drive a man wild with desire. If your woman doesn’t feel like her body is the ultimate in sex appeal (and really, how many do), she will feel even worse about her appearance if another woman is physically more attractive. Because men objectify women’s body parts, so do women with their own bodies. If the guest woman is more attractive than your partner your woman will feel worse about her own body, piece by piece (breasts, thighs, ass, skin, weight etc.), therefore reinforcing her insecurity that she is not the object of your desire.
Appearance is a tricky issue, because while a woman wants you to find her attractive, she doesn’t want to feel that you want her because she’s attractive. Women can be volatile on this topic, because they know that appearance counts for a lot, while resenting that it’s not just their inner qualities that count.
Really the only way to deal with it safely is to be sincerely complimentary in your words and affectionately dominant in your gestures, while reassuring her that you love her no matter what she looks like.
By affectionately dominant I mean taking charge in expressing physical attraction to her. For example, upon seeing your woman when you walk in the house, you make a noise like you’re tasting your favorite dish, stride over to her and pull her firmly against your body.
She will love feeling attractive to you, while also feeling loved because you are pulling her close. This is better than only making a cat call and not doing anything else, or only giving her a hug without any show of animalistic satisfaction inside you. The female energy needs polarity from the masculine, while also feeling nurtured. You’re showing she is both sexy to you and important to you.
Once she feels both of those things from you, when a friend is important to you or a playmate in a threesome is sexy, your woman will feel no competition or threat, because she’s both to you.
I do not in any way want to make women sound like petty attention seekers, and besides if you have that belief they will feel it. I see my woman as the vessel of a beautiful flowing energy that requires and deserves the right conditions for her to feel free and vulnerable. My masculine energy is as much a gift to her as her energy is to me.
So why this woo-woo talk of energy when the topic is body insecurities? Because by creating inner fulfillment for your woman she will be able to be happy regardless of what another naked body looks like. You can tell her she’s the most gorgeous woman you’ve ever seen, but despite being happy you feel that way, she has eyes and may be judging herself.
Make her feel beautiful as she is, and she will want to look her best. Make her feel that she’s more than enough as she is, and she will be happy to give you pleasurable gifts - sexual gifts.
To find out more, write us here or at info@createthreesomes.com
